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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Enjoy Solitude !


“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.” (Hermann Hesse)

“Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast, or a god.” (Francis Bacon)

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” (Aldous Huxley)

“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” (Henry David Thoreau)

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”  (Albert Camus)

“Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.”  ( Ralph Waldo Emerson)




How to Be Happy Alone!
My experience with this challenge started several years ago. I work as a software consultant, Most of the time hundreds of kilometers away from my family, major cities, known people. Sometimes I had to reside in a luxurious home all alone in a lonely country that doesn’t least relate to my culture or character, the worst part is with restricted communication with your loved ones.

I was not a person who is used to isolation in my past life before I started to experience deserted loneliness. I was considered to be the most active, talkative and entertaining person among my friends, for me to enter in to an isolated atmosphere was a cruel punishment.

At first, I found the solitude unbearable. I can definitely say this wasn’t a fun experience, but it did teach me a valuable lesson about how to enjoy my time alone.

Knowingly and un-knowingly I started to work on my internal life, I was able to not only bear the solitude, but actually enjoy it. Even now that I have many friends and relatives who I keep in touch constantly, I still benefit from the lessons I learned enjoying solitude. It gave me an inner calm and independence that means that, although I place value in relationships and work to improve them, I don’t feel desperate to stay in any friendship or relationship that doesn’t fulfill me.

If you’re caught in the same situation I was, I feel there are two steps you can take to turn it around:
1.      Learn to draw contentment from your time alone.
2.      Look at the world around you without having a narrow minded “Family” border for your thought.
Each approach on its own is insufficient. If you only work on drawing contentment from your time alone, that approach can be unsatisfying if you still feel isolation is forced upon you. But if you start to look at your surroundings (not your loved ones – wife, kids, parents, brother, sister), look around you in a border perspective, you will start to find and realize where you are in this universe (Socially, Financially, Physically, Mentally, Habitually) now you can enjoy the present while increasing your options for the future.

1.Loneliness is a physiological mirage created by you!

In my opinion, a great deal of the pain caused by loneliness is due to a lack of control.

Solitude is easy to enjoy when it isn’t forced. I think most people enjoy a few hours or even a few days to themselves if their regular lives are full of activity and are irritated by their family surroundings. In fact, many people confuse family relationships will worsen if you start to enjoy solitude in but really it works vice versa, which shows that solitude isn’t universally bad.

But when you lack control over your situation, solitude becomes loneliness. If you feel your isolation wasn’t chosen, and you can’t control it, that feel can be unbearable.

 The key, in my opinion, to regaining enjoyment in solitude and reducing loneliness, is to regain some control over the physiological loneliness created by your mind !
Part of that control can come from simply improving your social life directly. If you practice your social skills directly, that can boost your feeling of control and make the world seem less isolating, even if you’re still finding it difficult.

However, for some people this process will be slow or difficult. It may be hard for you to make new friends or view your surroundings with a wider angle, either because you are emotionally depressed with the feeling of loneliness, or because you are stuck in a lousy situation, such as working at an isolating, irritating  job or drinking to ease the effect of loneliness.  

2. Sculpting your inner world.
The remarkable enlighten for me in learning to enjoy solitude was in improving my inner world first. I may have had difficulties controlling my solitude from the outside, but I could control my inner world so that it would be more pleasant to live in.

For an example, imagine tummy fat is constantly growing month after the other. You have two options: you can look yourself at the mirror and feel bad for how un-healthy you look or you can start up with an exercise and diet plan to reduce the present tummy fat and to avoid future tummy fat build up which will be more comfortable to live with.

The first approach is directly working on your external environment; the latter is perfecting your inner world.

I’m sure you’ve seen wandering poor people in the streets who can live without people, shelter or food for days. People who seem at peace and self-content, despite total isolation and harsh conditions. While stories of these people may be somewhat exaggerated, I think they are a wonderful example of the benefits of building a strong inner world.

When the scaffolding of your inner life is strong, you can be comfortable in almost any environment.

Just as there are many ways to build a house, there are many ways to build the foundation of your inner life. However, I’m going to suggest three, as these have been the most successful for me in my own life:
1.      Control over your inner life
2.      Enthusiasm  the Creative drive
3.      Control the meaning in your life
4.      Draft a pathway for your dreams

1.Control over your inner life
One way you can gain more control over your inner life is to bring more options to it. I’ve found building a routine centered on activities I care about is one of the best ways to turn otherwise painful isolation into enjoyable solitude.

I usually do this by installing new habits. For me, activities I care about are exercising, working on personal projects, Biblical research, reading, learning new skills, thinking about the poor & orphans and dreaming. You can build a habit out of any of these activities by committing to do the habit every day for at least one month. Those habits will then run more or less automatically.
The side-effect of choosing this route to enjoying solitude is that it usually improves other areas of your life as well. When I did this, I found my productivity increased, my physical fitness went up dramatically and I read hundreds of books in just a few years.
Even now, when I have a longer period without as much human contact, I am far happier with an ordered personal life. That order allows you to stay active and engaged, even when your brain would rather shut down from the lack of family stimulus. The order also provides a sense of peace that comes from knowing you are in control of your world.

2. Enthusiasm the Create drive
Another way to improve your inner life is to build a fire of enthusiasm for something. If you have a passion or sense of meaning for your daily routine, any temporary isolation is far easier to enjoy. I’ve found the best way to create a drive is to set goals and plans of action to accomplish them. The goals need to be tied to something you have an interest in, but the act of creating the plan can often start a cycle of motivation.
If you already have goals, focusing on your goals can enable you to enjoy solitude more. I always found, even in my most isolated moments, that when I recaptured the idea of what I really wanted out of life, I felt much better. Goals can’t replace having a social life, but they can allow you to push through a temporary patch of isolation.
This route can sometimes be difficult if you aren’t sure where to start, so if you aren’t sure what might interest you enough to work passionately on it, try starting with one of the other paths.

3. Control the meaning in your life
You might not be able to control every part of your life, but you can control the meaning in your life. If you can create a purpose for your current isolation, that doubles your strength in moving through any obstacle. For me, I decided the meaning of my current isolation was to allow me more time to build personal skills and physical skills while I worked on my social life from the outside.
Sometimes people will talk about the difference between good pain and bad pain at a gym. It’s actually a silly idea: how can any pain be good, all of it hurts? The difference is that there is a meaning for the good pain, a purpose it serves as a process in making you stronger. The bad pain, alternatively, just hurts for no purpose.

The same analogy applies to solitude: there is good solitude and bad solitude. The good solitude has a constructive purpose. It may still hurt occasionally, but if you know what it’s for and why it benefits you, the solitude can be enjoyable (just as some people love the pain they get from the gym). Your goal is to turn bad solitude into good solitude by defining the meaning it has for you.
If you think there is no possible reason for your being alone, think harder. You can probably come up with many opportunities it can allow, if you try. The solitude might help you focus on another important goal you have, give you a chance to increase your independence or even just give you a better appreciation of the relationships you do have.

4. Draft a pathway for your dreams
 There are remarkable dreams that I have it with me, many dreams ranging from being the richest man in this world to Christ like man in this world. Also there are silly ideas that live only in my dream. Most of the time when I am in deep solitude and peace I work on my dreams. I love that to the core, it brings an immense peace, happiness, fulfillment, enlighten thought and a remarkable imaginary world where I am the creator for my future. It really helps me sculpt by future that I try to follow up in reality.  Many people think dreaming is a waste of time or they don’t see it useful because it doesn’t give any monetary benefit on hand, but the benefit you attain from them in a long run is evident and profound.   
So live and love to dream at times, but never live in dream alone that’s not the reality.

Are You a God or Wild Beast?
My guess is neither, but you can still enjoy solitude if you set out the right intention. Solitude may take some time and practice to master, but it can allow you to achieve an incredible sense of inner peace and calmness.

It’s an art which is unique from person to person but it can bring an remarkable transformation to your thought, mental strength and physical strength.


Thanks & Regards,
S.Grace Paul Regan

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Driving Force!


Recent past days I was thinking? why we need an external force (Church –Pastor) to practice god and walk his ways. Why can’t we practice ourselves? And found some answers that I believe are the reasons for why we need a driving force?
Very simple example, most of us even being an athlete in our teen age need a personal trainer to keep us fit even though we already know what to do to keep us fit!
It’s the simple physiology the trainer pushes us beyond our comfort zone and can get us to do much more than we thought was possible. 
Discomfort gives comfort!



Don’t stay on the comfort zone too long, if you are a go getter!

When you are challenged, You can! 

Accept positive drive, some times it may drive you crazy but still its good for you.

Unless you decide, you cannot be driven. 



Why do people need someone to motivate them? 

It’s your subconscious mind! It was trained for so many years to keep you in the comfort zone always, hence it will not allow you to perform more when you can, It will not allow you to run the extra winning mile when you can, here is where we need a good trustable driving force to push our limits to increase our boundaries. It’s applicable for either spiritual or Material life.
  While it’s the same body doing the same exercises but someone is putting them in a different mindset to push its limits to go for the extra mile!
When the external force tells us we can do it. We believe it and that belief allows us to achieve much more. But first, we need to believe the external source hence make sure you depend on a trustable source who could drive you and push you on the right direction, be aware and conscious always to make sure if you are heading on the right direction if not it will be an grave.
 This is also effective at work. We can meet tighter deadlines. We can add more features. We can build a better customer experience. We just don’t believe we can do it because it would require us to be uncomfortable.
Get yourself comfortable being uncomfortable with EVERYTHING you are doing.
How do you do this?
We understand our specific role and our particular set of skills. Ask yourself: what else can we do that is a step beyond. Then choose a trustable source that can push you positively or put yourself in a situation where you are driven (sometimes whipped to do things). If you think you are pushed on the right track just go ahead as much as you can with the encouraging guidance of the external force. If the external force tells you that you can do it! Believe 100 % you can and go for it you will earn the fruit in the shortest duration of the time rather than if you have tried on your own.
Because time is our life, every second counts.
Push and push hard. Most people don’t want to stretch beyond their skill set if it involves risking their existing position. Encourage them to “lean in” to the opportunity and discover what else they can do beyond the status quo.
Push your friends, Push your Spouse, Push your Kids, Push your colleague, Push your employee, Push your employer, Push your internal desire, Push your achievements towards eternity and Push everyone, but make sure you can be with their side to encourage them through their journey to stretch your helping hand to lift them up when required, if you think you cannot be along their side you do not have any authority in pushing them even if you are their parents. Here starts the brutality!
Don’t push them too much to a limit they break apart. But keep pushing.
Teach them in a practical way “Staying too much in the comfort zone will make you uncomfortable for your life time”; teach them till they understand what you mean. Help them set their goals higher and push them to meet it.
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it. – Michelangelo
Most of us, when left to our own devices, will choose to stay inside our comfort zone. However, there is nothing motivating about someone doing the same thing they’ve done before, and long term they will be unhappy. So, do them a favor, do yourself a favor, and push them where they are entirely uncomfortable, if you believe they will find their way. Sometimes unless you push (you or they) cannot believe they can.
Now we will come to our spiritual driving force, why do we need an external driving force rather than we can practice ourselves?, it’s again the same answers we have discussed above.
Our sub-conscious mind is trained to keep us in the most comfortable zone some time that may include living with SIN (Hatred, Jealous, Lust, Greed, Drugs, Un-trustiness, etc…) which we may feel happy about un-consciously, Our sub-conscious mind will not point us that we are living with these sin’s that may put us in a corrective path rather it will try to compromise our ethical conscious questions with their excuses for being so.
There are exceptional persons who can walk the right way without an external driving force which can guide them to walk in the right path consciously.
Hence it is required for a constant external driving force to help us keep on track. 
Here is where we have to take the right decision to choose the right powerful external force. 
As influential the force is as good it will keep you on track.
 Forces with less influence will be influenced by your subconscious mind, as it’s also a constant influential force over you.
If you want to stay on track with your spiritual living, choose a strong driving force and believe they will help and guide you stay on track (don’t care if they don’t stay on their track, most of the Olympic gold medal winners were coached by just a national or state player’s) it’s very, very, very important in your life, because if you lose your inner sprit you will lose “Happiness-Joy” as a human which will result with negative results surrounding you.
When you are driven and ahead of your near and dear ones act as a driving force for them, push them and guide them to achieve better goals than they thought they can.
Now I know the true meaning of some of the below verses from the bible and the reason behind it. 
“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” John 14:26
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” Deuteronomy 31:8 
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6 
“Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you” 1 Chronicles 28:20


Thanks & Regards,
S.Grace Paul Regan